“The Marginalized Passenger”
Updated: Sep 3, 2022
I have spent countless hours writing this memoir in hopes of somehow being able to come to grips with my father's death.
So many tears and anguish fill these pages. Writing this book has made me dredge up years of feelings that I had been compartmentalized and forgotten about. So again, thank you beforehand for choosing to read my memoir, and by your reading it, I can finally have that voice that had been silenced all these years.
I want to be perfectly clear. My only goal in writing these words down is to tell my own personal story. Albeit written exclusively from my point of view, it sometimes tends to be more of a stream of consciousness that gets printed and bound, documented, and published. I am, however, writing in an attempt to reason with myself. Delve into why I am the way I am and who, and what drove me to become me. All the while, I must mention that I take full responsibility for who I have become, blaming no one nor giving anyone any credit for any successes nor demonizing anyone who didn't merit it along the way. This is done hoping that I somehow save myself from myself. I sometimes question why I would make an effort to sit down and transcribe the very things that caused me so much pain in my life. I would venture to say, probably because it's somewhat cathartic, and in doing so, maybe, I can help others comprehend why they become the way they are and some of the reasons which cultivate this. It's not entirely our fault; it's not entirely your fault. We are not born fucked-up. We are created, formed, and molded by someone or by some unforeseen circumstances entirely beyond our control. Damage can be done in a multitude of ways to a child, be it by divorce, psychological or physical abuse, or childhood trauma. It seldom starts with intentional malice. It's forged by a series of unfortunate events and, in turn, causes irreparable damage, which can and will carry forward to adulthood.
“Damage can be done in a multitude of ways to a child, be it by divorce, psychological or physical abuse, or childhood trauma.”
Perhaps putting yourself in some of the same scenarios will also help you unpack some of your childhood memories. I hope it will give you some insight into a child's life who was not asked their opinion along any part of his journey. I was a mere passenger. Whenever I came to a crossroads in my young life, a decision was always made for me to either go one way or the other, thus determining my fate. I am the way I am, and who or what molded me into the man I have subsequently become today is entirely consequential.
In this memoir, I endeavor to adhere to the core of the truth inasmuch as possible so as to not change the true essence of this story. It is all true. I indeed hope you enjoy this journey, and I thank you for wanting to share it with me.